You're Going To Be The Lonely One
by MayFairy
Summary: After Solas breaks her heart, part of Lavellan needs him back so badly she doesn't know how to breathe. But the rest of her begins to realise, with the triumph of making Cassandra smile and the warmth of Josephine's hugs, that maybe what she had had with him is not what will make her most happy after all. [initial Lavellan/Solas with eventual Lavellan/Cassandra/Josephine]
1. Crumbling

**It's simple, really. I love Solas, but also, wow, that dude is the worst. It's a weird line to walk, loving and hating a character so much at the same time. (He's so well done, though. Wow.)**

 **Anyway, I wanted to explore the idea of a Lavellan who has romanced Solas falling for someone who isn't an ancient god doomed to rip her heart out. So, here we are.**

 **Not written DA fic before, so I'm fairly nervous and out of my comfort zone, but I've had good advance feedback, so I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

In hindsight, the idea that Leliana wouldn't know exactly where anyone of note goes and who with, let alone the Inquisitor herself, really is a ridiculous one, and Raen Lavellan is an idiot for never realising this earlier.

One day she might even thank her for it. But not today, not tonight.

Tonight she has no wish to be seen by anyone, to feel anything but the damp grass seeping moisture across her palms and into her breeches as she sits bent over in an otherwise empty glade. Sits and screams and sobs as her mind tries to make sense of the whirlwind that has her heart feeling like it's been ripped from her chest as unceremoniously as Solas had completely turned their evening around.

 _Hand in hand, heart as full of adoration as his eyes as he looked at her -_

 _The truth, a horrible truth that made her feel sick, but a chance to cast it aside and be free of it -_

 _His hands and magic across her face -_

 _Pulling her to her feet, kissing her with as much passion as ever, making her forget about every worry, every stress, every crushing responsibility -_

 _And then: "... I've distracted you from your duty. It will never happen again."_

A small part of her, the part unaffected by him, the part that is rational, is shouting at the rest of her, trying to tell her how ridiculous it is that she is so affected by this, that she would let some _man_ crush her very soul with his rejection.

The rest of her isn't listening. It's too busy screaming in sheer, blindingly irrational agony as it feels like her chest is caving in.

She's been here for several hours when she feels hands on her shoulders out of nowhere.

She reacts without thinking and Cassandra - the apparent owner of said hands - gets a fist to the face.

To Cassandra's credit, for all her yelp of surprise, she barely falters, taking the hit with no more than a blink. Lavellan stares up at her, her mind trying to catch up to what is going on, to how Cassandra could be here, of all places. Those questions don't seem quite as important as the trickle of blood now coming from Cassandra's nose.

"Oh gods, I-" Lavellan covers her mouth. "Fuck." Her voice sounds funny. Wrong. She's been crying too long, too hard, been screaming at the universe itself.

"It's nothing," Cassandra says, barely seeming to notice. "My lady, what happened-"

Her sentence disappears into a gasp as Raen looks at her properly for the first time, and in the dim moonlight she can see the mix of shock, awe, and horror on Cassandra's face as she kneels down and reaches out to touch Raen's now unmarked face.

"What did he do to you?" Cassandra asks, voice no more than a furious whisper.

"He - he told me that the markings I've worn all my life with pride were actually slave markings, all those years back, that my people had it wrong, _again_ ," Raen says, the bitter fury rising in her throat, anger at her stupid people who somehow tried so hard but never got anything right where it mattered, anger at Solas who had _actually_ used that as a come on that she had fallen for, a second before he shattered her heart into a thousand fragments. "And then he just - left. He left me."

"I-" Cassandra stares at her and swallows. She's still holding her face with one hand, her shoulder with the other. "I'm sorry. I do not know what to say to such a thing."

"How did you find-"

"That doesn't matter now. Can you stand?"

"Of course I - I'm not an _invalid_ , Cassandra," Raen finds herself snapping, like she hasn't just spent the last couple of hours in a hysterical state, unable to move.

Cassandra wisely decides to not reply and simply helps her up.

"Thank you," Raen murmurs, half reluctantly.

"We would not abandon you, Inquisitor, not even to terrors of the heart," Cassandra says to her.

As they head through the short cave route and come to the mouth of it, three more figures become visible, bringing some explanation to her use of the word _we_.

Sera. Dorian. Bull. Her heart swells. Before the Inquisition, she'd not had many friends, let alone fully understood the concept of true ones and how important and dear they could be.

"There's our girl," Dorian says upon seeing her, a fire in his hand casting surprisingly bright light around them. "Didn't I tell you that-"

His sentence dies as Raen and Cassandra step into the light.

"Well, shit," Bull murmurs.

"Oh fucking fuck, what did that pissbag do?" Sera asks. "How are they just… gone?"

"Turns out they didn't mean what I thought they did, he offered to get rid of them, so I agreed," Raen replied, trying to take comfort in the facts, and distancing herself from them, but given the topic, it just doesn't work. "And - and then he broke my heart with the most bullshit excuse ever. I don't know. With that, can we just… _not_? At all?"

"Of course, you don't have to say anything," Cassandra agrees, an arm still around her.

"Later, when it isn't super insensitive or whatever, remind me to tell you how much I've always hated that arrogant pompous arse."

"Noted, Sera," Raen manages to say, with a watery smile. By 'later', that might well be exactly what she wants to hear. God knows, she just wants to shout at him now, demand answers, punch him in his stupid all knowing face.

But she also just wants to curl up in her bed at Skyhold and sleep for a full day while crying, and that urge is winning.

(And she just wants his arms around her, his voice in her ear, his everything, and she can't have it, but she's scared to think about what she might do to get those things back.)

She loses track of time, but they return to Skyhold in the dead of night, and soon she is in her bed, tucked in by an attentive Dorian while Sera watches from nearby, plainly concerned but not quite sure of what to do. Bull had gone back to his people upon arrival, but not before giving her a pat on the shoulder and offering to whack Solas with his axe. Raen suspects he's not overly comfortable with a large room of emotional people, when the problem is romantic heartbreak - it's not exactly an area of expertise for him and his people, after all.

She's fairly sure she's seen him and Dorian stealing lingering looks at each other, though, but that isn't her business.

"How _did_ you find me?" Raen asks Dorian.

"You think the Nightingale's little birds don't take notice of where we all go?" he replies. "Apparently, when she learned that Solas had left without you, she immediately asked Cassandra to investigate, just to be safe. Naturally, the Seeker is intelligent enough to not go alone."

Cole appears in the doorway to her balcony, making her wonder if he had climbed over the roof to get there. He strides inside, worry etched across his face, taking no notice of how Sera curses and shuffles further away from him.

"I can help you," he says to Raen, earnestly, and her heart aches.

As much as she would love to lose the blinding pain in her, she needs it right now, needs it as fuel for her anger.

"Soon," she tells Cole, and tries to block out the pained expression that crosses his face, from his lack of understanding. "But not yet."

"She said no, now piss off," Sera says to him, eyes narrowing.

Cole averts his eyes. "I'm sorry."

She only has to glance away before he is gone as quickly as he has arrived.

Not long after, Josephine ascends the steps, Leliana and Cassandra behind her but lingering at the top of the stairs. The diplomat looks worried, immensely so, her fingers knotted in front of her.

"Inquisitor?" Josephine asks, tentatively. "I have been… informed of what has happened, as much as I can be. I-"

She gets closer, and notices the lack of _vallaslin_ , her eyes going wide.

"I apologise, I was forewarned, but I have become so accustomed to you being… you." Josephine flushes ever so slightly.

"Sera, Dorian, I'll see you two tomorrow?" Raen asks them.

"Of course," Dorian replies, giving her hand a squeeze. "You get a good sleep and feel better, yes?"

Raen nods, and Dorian kisses her forehead fleetingly, and it's so sweet of him that the tears start up again. God, she hates them all seeing her like this. Leliana is watching her with pity. Cassandra lingers between her and Josephine, between the staircase and the bed, while Josephine seems to be fighting the urge to sit down.

"You don't all have to be here, I'm not injured," Raen tells them. "This is ridiculous."

"A broken heart can be more debilitating than any injury," Josephine says, only to cough a moment later, her cheeks flushing slightly. "Or… so I hear."

"All the same, I'm limiting shoulders for crying on to one person."

"Right, well, I'm out then," Sera says, getting up. "If you're looking for proper sympathy, my shoulder ain't the one for you. _So_ not keen on you crying over the pompous git when you could do so much better."

Raen and Cassandra frown at her.

"Thank you for tonight, Sera," Raen says, the slight to Solas barely stinging because it's nothing she hasn't said before.

"I've always got your back, yeah?" Sera says. "Even if I think you're an idiot."

Raen smiles. It's their conversation after the Temple of Mythal all over again. "I know. Thank you."

Sera does an awkward little wave, jumps over the banister to the stairs, and disappears out of sight.

Dorian, who had been headed in the same direction, hesitates. "Was it my shoulder you were after?"

Raen isn't actually sure, she just knows she can't stand being coddled by so many. With just one, it will hopefully just feel more like normal comfort. Like she's a normal person with normal heartbreak, and not… whatever the hell she actually is.

She almost _does_ choose Dorian, but as she opens her mouth to answer in the affirmative, a look of dismay crosses Josephine's face before it's hidden.

It makes sense. Josephine has been a dear, dear friend since the start. Long talks on Raen's balcony or by her fire - or rather, usually listening to Josephine talk. She'll spill gossip that Raen barely half understands because she still struggles to understand or care about human politics, let alone the intricacies of The Game, but Josephine makes everything interesting, somehow. Occasionally Raen shares stories from the field, regaling the ambassador with tales of monsters. She makes a wonderful audience, gasping in all the right places, even clutching Raen's arm with worry on occasion.

"Josephine? Will you stay with me for a while?" Raen asks her.

Relief flashes through Josephine's eyes, and she nods. "Of course, Inquisitor."

Cassandra doesn't look as though she's keen on leaving either. "Are you certain-"

"Thank you, Cassandra, Leliana," Raen says, voice soft but firm as she looks to them. "We can speak tomorrow, if that's alright. I really do just want to be alone, or close to it."

"Of course," Cassandra says, and Leliana nods a moment after. "Goodnight, Inquisitor."

They head down the stairs, and Raen looks back at Josephine, who has cast her eyes to her lap.

"I… did not expect you to choose me, of all the friends you possess," Josephine admits.

"You're one of my closest friends, Josephine," Raen says to her, reaching for her hand and squeezing it, which makes her start, for some reason. "And you looked as though you… didn't want to leave."

"Oh, it's silly really, I know that you are alright, physically, but when Cassandra told me of how you were when she found you-"

"Gods, is all of _Skyhold_ going to know about how spectacularly dumped I was by morning?" Raen says with frustration, throwing her hands up.

Josephine winces. "Gossip spreads like wildfire here, Inquisitor, but among our inner circle, I promise we will try to keep it as contained as possible."

"Raen."

"What?"

"You know my name, Josephine, and you're my friend, there's no reason for you to call me Inquisitor at a time like this. We're alone in my bedroom, for crying out loud."

Josephine blushes. "Well, yes-"

"Not _alone in my bedroom like that_ , of course, but you know what I mean," Raen continues, snorting. "I just… I'm not the Inquisitor right now. I'm just Raen, a woman who just got her heart ripped and stamped on."

"And I am merely Josephine, your friend, and not Ambassador Montilyet," Josephine says, nodding. "Of course. Is there - I'm sorry, I'm not sure of what you need."

"Honestly?" Raen asks. "A hug would be fucking brilliant."

Josephine smiles at her, eyes sad but somehow reassured. "That I can do, Raen."

Josephine shuffles closer, and she wraps Raen into a tight, warm hug that smells of fancy perfume and fresh parchment. Raen clings to her and doesn't bother stopping the sobs that escape her now that she no longer feels like she is being watched, now that she feels as though she can grieve properly, not like in the glade where pure shock had ruled her and she'd just been screaming with outrage.

Now she sobs into Josephine's shoulder and feels awful because a part of her longs for another set of arms, another chest, a different accent in her ear murmuring words of comfort. The language of her people, not the common tongue.

"You really love him, don't you?" Josephine asks, voice hesitant and soft, and a little pained, for a reason Raen can't quite be sure of.

"Yes," Raen answers, "so much that the thought of not being with him means I can't breathe. I don't even know _why_ I'm so in love with him exactly, I just... am. But no one looks at the world the way that he does. And no one understands the way I feel about my people the way he does. I didn't even have to… to explain. He just understood, right away."

"I - that explains a fair bit, I suppose," Josephine says. "As far as I understand it, the heart is a strange, senseless thing sometimes. And what you have just described is hardly senseless besides."

"I hope you're right," Raen says. "I'll talk to him tomorrow, if he's back by then. I need to. I need to try and reason with him. He's so assured of himself that I doubt it'll work, but if there's even a chance-"

"You have to try," Josephine finishes, pulling away and nodding. "Of course you have to try. You love him. And he loves you, that much is obvious to us all."

"Sorry, I know we haven't been entirely subtle," Raen mumbles, embarrassed.

"Many people lack subtlety here, my dear, it is nothing, truly. It was nice to see you happy, with how much pressure is on you otherwise."

"Right. Josephine?"

"Yes?"

"Can I come by for another hug tomorrow, if things don't… go well, with him?"

Josephine smiles sadly and pushes some of Raen's auburn hair behind her ear. "Of course. Whatever you need."

Raen hugs her again. "I'm lucky to have a friend like you, Josephine."

"You have more than just me, my lady."

"I know. But no one tells stories quite like you do. Will you… tell me one, until I fall asleep?" Raen feels herself flushing a bit as she makes the request. It feels wrong, a bit too intimate to ask of her ambassador - but Josephine is just Josephine right now, and she is her friend.

Josephine's eyes are soft and warm. "Of course. Why don't you get comfortable? I have an excellent one about a bard who went to Nevarra…"

Against all odds, Raen is able to get to sleep despite the horrible ache in her chest, thanks to the sound of Josephine's voice.

* * *

The birds and sunlight wake her just after dawn, as they always do. But where normally she would rise with a determination to get through her many tasks and responsibilities for the day, or lie in bed a little longer out of exhaustion, today is different.

Today she nearly jumps out of bed, and dresses in a flurry only to catch herself and remember that she can't be walking around looking like a complete mess. She can't be bested by something this - this _absurd_.

She's become the kind of hopelessly enamoured fool she used to scoff at. But she has one thing on her side, and that is her sheer force of will and the fury in her so powerful that it's actually making the tiniest sparks of lightning jump around her fingertips when she forgets to breathe for too long.

Looking in the mirror brings her to a stop, though.

She's never seen her face without the vallaslin, not since she was a teenager and had yet to receive it.

Her hand reaches out to touch the now bare skin of her forehead and chin, almost expecting to feel some kind of scar, or something else that would be any indication of something having been there before. There is nothing.

She doesn't know whether to be angry with Solas for telling her the truth and taking such an integral part of her away even though she'd asked him to, or endlessly thankful that he had revealed the truth to her and helped her lose what would have only been a tribute to her people's failure.

There's room in her to be angry at them all, apparently, as well as herself.

Her whole body is shaking slightly as she thinks about it all, and she takes more deep breaths to try and calm herself.

It doesn't really work, and she ends up striding through Skyhold with a stony expression on her face until she reaches the base level of the tower that serves as Solas' personal space and study.

To her relief, he is there, bent over his desk and examining something on a piece of paper.

"You don't get out of this that easily!" she tells him as she storms towards him. Every emotion from last night swarms back, the betrayal of it all, how livid she had been, as well as the overwhelming need for him to just take it all back and then take her into his arms so they could put it behind them and go back to how things had been -

He is calm. Infuriatingly calm in that smug, all knowing way of his that is patronising if only because it makes her feel like she's juvenile for ever losing her cool, even if she _knows_ she has the right to feel and express whatever emotions she likes, especially during private conversations.

"I understand your anger," he says, and she can only snort because for once she is absolutely sure he is wrong about something. "I am furious with myself as well. But for now, we must focus on what matters. Harden your heart to a cutting edge, and put that pain to good use against Corypheus."

"It would help me if you could explain why," she says.

"The answers would only led to more questions, an emotional entanglement that would benefit neither of us," he says. "The blame is mine, not yours. It was irresponsible and selfish of me. Let that be enough."

 _I distracted you from your duty._

The worst part is, that if this whole mess has proved anything, it's that he's right. She should be focused on the Inquisition right now, but here she is, demanding to be taken back and shouting to make it seem less pathetic. Even if she weren't here because of what he had done, how many times had she set aside a task in favour of spending time with him? Or being seduced by him, or seducing him?

Perhaps he is right, and perhaps she doesn't care.

She needs to try and consider it, though, to think like the Inquisitor and not put her personal desires above everything else. Maybe she can let this rest, for now, as he wants.

"Will you talk to me when we have finished with Corypheus?" she asks. After all, when Corypheus is dead, his reasoning, however valid it may be, will no longer stand.

If it's a matter of waiting, she can wait. She'll wait for him. Maybe it will be good for her to clear her head a little.

Solas eyes her for a moment, his expression as difficult to read as it often is.

"If we are both still alive afterwards, then I promise you, everything will be made clear," he says.

She swallows, and nods. She can work with that.

He offers his help with anything she needs leading up to their battle with Corypheus, and she promises to let him know if she needs his expertise. It's a little awkward, making more professional conversation, but not as much as she might have expected.

She gives him a tentative smile when she leaves, and he gives her one in return, looking faintly relieved.

She feels a bit lightheaded, perhaps from how rapidly her anger has faded into a strange acceptance and realisation that she perhaps hasn't been acting as she should have. Is it so surprising that Solas had been right? He's always right, always so quick to see what others don't. It's part of what had drawn her to him so quickly.

The door into the main hall opens before she can touch it, and nearly takes out her nose. Opening it and trying to come through is Cassandra, who lets out a noise of surprise.

"You nearly just got revenge for last night, with that," Raen exclaims, with a tiny laugh.

Cassandra blinks at her. "Oh, Inquisitor, I apologise-"

"No apologies needed when I'm the one that gave you a bloody nose. I hope it hasn't troubled you too much," Raen says, frowning.

Cassandra shakes her head, a laugh of her own escaping. "That? That was nothing. You're not a warrior of physicality, Inquisitor, and it does show in your right hook."

Raen feels herself flushing. "Right. Where were you headed, anyway?"

Cassandra looks at the ground. "I - after last night, and how you were, I-"

"Were you-" Raen looks at her with faint disbelief. "Were you actually about to confront Solas on my behalf?"

"You make it sound more… diplomatic than I was perhaps intending," Cassandra admits, her fist clenching and releasing at her side.

"Well, it won't be necessary," Raen tells her. "I've spoken with him. We're… we're simply paused, until after Corypheus is dealt with. I think. And I can live with that. Better for me to focus on my duties, after all."

Cassandra's eyebrows lift. "I… I see. That sounds… sensible."

"I hope so."

"I am still tempted to have words with him, after what state he left you in-"

"Don't," Raen says, all at once feeling awfully embarrassed about how she had been last night and just how many people had witnessed it. "I'd rather just… forget about last night. I don't want to be… avenged, or whatever it is you have in mind."

Cassandra's eyes are conflicted, still faintly burning with that righteousness of hers, indignance on Raen's behalf.

"Very well," she says eventually, jaw clenched. "If you are sure."

Raen smiles at her and puts a hand on her arm. "You're sweet to care so much, though."

"I am not… _sweet_ ," Cassandra says uncomfortably, saying the word like it tastes bad on her tongue and crossing her arms over her chest.

Fondness rises in Raen's chest, as it so often does when talking to the Seeker. There's something so delightful about her, how she doesn't realise her own charm, as unique and unconventional as it is.

"That's debatable," Raen says. "But truly. Your loyalty means a lot to me. It's still strange to think I could inspire such fierce defence in someone."

Cassandra frowns, the faintest bit of colour in her cheeks. "You are the Inquisitor. And… a rather dear friend, when I do not have many."

"I know."

They fall into a strange silence that becomes a bit awkward as neither of them know what to say next, just hovering in the doorway.

"Well, I'll be… getting back to my work, then," Cassandra says, stepping back the way she had come, and Raen follows her since it is the way to Josephine's office, which will be Raen's next stop.

"I'll see you later, then," Raen says to her.

Cassandra nods. "Until then, Inquisitor."

Josephine, when Raen arrives in her office, is relieved to see Raen in a milder state and to hear that things are tentatively alright with Solas. Raen manages to get a hug out of her anyway and finds herself properly soothed by the feeling of Josephine's arms around her. She's lucky to have such a good friend.

It's odd to think of Corypheus as a simpler matter to be dealing with, but Raen finds herself strangely relieved to get back to talking about him and his imminent destruction, even if Josephine's gaze lingers on her more than usual, no doubt out of worry even if she's good at keeping her face difficult to read.

It will all be okay, in the end. Raen is starting to believe that. She has to.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!**


	2. A Worthy Inconvenience

Josephine had never known true chaos until the Temple of Sacred Ashes exploded and the sky itself was torn open. Had never seen anything like the people of Haven running and screaming as they stared at the temple on the hill and the flames and the gaping, swirling hole in the very skin of world that now loomed over them.

Cassandra and the others had run headfirst into the wreckage, of course, and had come back with an unconscious elven woman whose hand was glowing with an unnatural green light.

In all of it, Josephine had felt rather lost. Her skill set required time and stationery and messengers. In the moment, in an emergency such as this, what good was she?

The mysterious woman, the possible traitor, the future Inquisitor (as absurd the very idea would have seemed at the time, had any of them known) had barely been in Haven five minutes when _he_ had arrived.

Josephine remembers because of his calm.

In a collection of moments when everyone had been panicking, and unsure of what to do, she remembers how this elven man had walked right into Haven with a sense of confidence and purpose. Walked right up to Josephine, who had been the only one not occupied with either the future Inquisitor (as Cassandra and Leliana had been) or keeping the people around them under control (as Cullen had gone off to see to).

Josephine had been using her keen eye to scour the crowds for anything that might help, any tiny detail that could point to a traitor or an ally or someone in need of aid other than the obvious.

Apparently it had been enough to give her some impression of authority. (Or it could have been the clipboard, come to think of it. The clipboard works wonders.)

"I wish to speak to whoever is in charge here," he had said to her as he approached, politely but with that unshakeable confidence and strange almost-authority about him. "The Hands of the Divine, they are here, are they not?"

Josephine had lifted an eyebrow at him. "They are. They are also extremely occupied with the situation at hand. If you don't mind my asking, who are you, to make such demands of their time?"

"You may call me Solas," he had replied, "I am an apostate, one with a unique knowledge, which you may desperately need."

Josephine's eyebrow had climbed even higher. "What kind of knowledge?"

He had given her a strange, fleeting sort of smile, and looked behind him to the huge hole in the sky. "The kind that may be able to help you with _that_."

And so she had fetched Leliana and Cassandra, and Solas had yielded his staff to the latter immediately in exchange for the chance to study the woman who had come out of the fade rift at the temple.

It had turned out that had he not come to them, the lone survivor might not have survived at all. Their Inquisitor might never have been. It's something Josephine has thought about more and more, lately.

She's felt an immense gratitude towards Solas for a long while now, and even expressed it a few times.

 _Raen might have died before we even knew her name, had it not been for you,_ she had said to him once.

 _You make her forget, for a while, all that rides on her shoulders,_ she had told him a fair bit later, once it had become obvious that there was something intense and romantic between he and Lavellan. _I worry about her, but a little less when I see her with you._

 _I'm glad_ , he had said in return. _You are a good friend to her, Ambassador. She speaks of you with great fondness._

Solas has a great deal of disdain in him for certain types of people, this much is obvious. With that in mind, there is something gratifying about being treated with respect by him, something compelling and charming in his eyes. Something that makes it all too easy for Josephine to understand how Lavellan had fallen for him so quickly.

In the midst of it all, the minor detail that Josephine at the same time had become rather enamoured with the Inquisitor had simply not seemed remarkably important.

Grand tales had always made unrequited love sound so romantic, so grand despite the tragedy. The reality is not nearly as gratifying.

The reality is trying not to notice how the sun falls on Raen's hair while they make plans in the war room, how it brings out the power of the red not always visible in lower light. It's wondering when her favourite colour became green until she next looks her in the eye and feels herself go _oh, of course_. It's ignoring the absurd little backflips her stomach does when Raen smiles at her or touches her hand, or hugs her.

It's pushing all the silly fluttering feelings aside because it isn't professional, and because Raen is head over heels for somebody else regardless, someone who feels the same way about her.

Which is… perfectly fine. With everything else going on, it is hardly something that is going to make the world feel as if it is going to come crashing down. The books definitely exaggerated about that part.

All it is is an ache in her chest, small but ever present, whenever Raen walks into the room, or whenever someone mentions Raen and Solas like _that_. That's nothing that can't be easily pushed down and ignored. It will take much more to make it any kind of problem, and Josephine is determined that it neverwill be.

Or she had been, until now.

How can she look at Solas the same way, now? She's always had so much respect for him, as well as a healthy measure of fascination. The few times he's indulged her with stories of the past from his walking through the Fade, she can't remember ever being so captivated.

Now, when she glimpses him around Skyhold, or hears his name, she can only see is Raen's bare, tear stained face, only feel Raen's fingers clutching at her, only hear the sound of Raen's sobbing.

Solas had done that. No matter his intentions, no matter that they are now supposedly on alright terms and merely 'paused' until after Corypheus, it's not something Josephine can forget.

 _I would never treat her the way he did last night,_ she thinks after Raen leaves her office, only to stop a moment later. It's a dangerous thought. She's never allowed herself to think like that before, to entertain any kind of actual scenario where -

Where nothing. She is imagining nothing. Lavellan is her friend, one of the dearest friends she has come to possess, and she will not let her ridiculous crush get in the way of that.

* * *

It is a few nights later, when almost everyone else is surely in bed, as is sensible, that Josephine runs into Solas.

It's in the main hall, and quiet enough that they notice each other even when exiting from their respective doors some way apart. She looks up from her clipboard and he from a book in his hands, and their eyes meet.

"Ambassador," he says, with a polite incline of his head. He doesn't raise his voice at all, but with the hall entirely empty, he doesn't need to.

"Solas," she replies, walking in his direction because she needs to see if Cullen is still awake and thus he is in her path.

"You are well, I hope?"

"Better now that one of my friends is not so emotionally distressed," Josephine says without quite meaning to, and it's a testament to how exhausted she is that it slips out at all.

Solas lifts an eyebrow at her, and she bites her lip, closing her eyes for a moment and wishing she had not been so careless.

"If this is about Lavellan-"

"Well, unless you have been toying with Leliana's emotions without my knowing it," Josephine says offhandedly, letting her gaze drift to one of the braziers nearby.

"What happened between the Inquisitor and myself was private."

"On the contrary, I believe some privacy is forfeit when one party leaves another to be discovered in a near hysterical state by her friends," Josephine replies, a little sharply. A moment later, she sighs and rubs her temples. "I have always had a great respect for you, Solas, but after that night, I will admit it is hard for me to even look at you. So, if you'll excuse me-"

She walks past him.

"I never wished to cause her pain," he says, more urgently than she's heard him speak in a long time. When she turns to look at him over her shoulder, his eyes are intent and _earnest_ in a way that has her believing him in a heartbeat. He loves her deeply, that much has never been in doubt.

"And yet, you did," she replies. "I beg you do not make the same mistake again, for her sake. And your own. There are many here who would take that as a near personal grievance, after the first time. She is dear to all of us."

"Myself included," he says, somewhat defensively.

Josephine nods. "I should hope so. And I should hope that it will be evident in your actions going forward. I know nothing of your reasons, but if you will allow me to be frank, I do not believe there is any possible excuse for such behaviour as your recent exhibition. She loves you, Solas. Deeply. So very deeply. That is a precious gift that should not be pushed aside."

What is she saying? Is this her place, her business? What would the Inquisitor say, to know that Josephine is saying these things to her lover?

Solas' expression is impossible to read. "I am aware."

"Well… good."

"I'll keep what you have said in mind."

"I'm glad to hear it. Goodnight, Solas."

"Goodnight, Ambassador Montilyet."

* * *

Sometimes Josephine finds herself rather envious of Cassandra. And Sera as well. They get to be by Lavellan's side out in the field, always with her unless some unusual circumstance dictates Cassandra is needed for something elsewhere or Sera is called away by those strange friends of hers. Dorian and Bull are with her too, when they can be, and much more frequently now that Lavellan seems less keen on taking Solas with her. She gets the idea that the Tevinter and Qunari's many trips out with Lavellan have gone a long way to changing their rather antagonistic attitude towards one another to an unexpected sort of fondness.

It's not that Josephine wishes she were out there with them, exactly. Lavellan regales her with stories and they sound frightful, even if she always tells them with a grin and a fire in her eyes that speaks to how alive it had made her feel. Besides, the fact that Lavellan always spends her first evening back at Skyhold with her, sitting by the fireplace and telling her of her latest adventure and near death experience, is something close to Josephine's heart. Those nights are so precious to her, and she wouldn't trade them for anything.

All the same, it does mean that Josephine is always left worrying, just a little, every time that Lavellan and the others leave. Worrying that something could go wrong, that a freak accident could derail their whole organisation, that she will lose a dear friend who she so adores.

Especially now, when the Inquisitor seems to be on a dragon hunting spree. The way she and Sera and Bull go on, it's evident they actually get some kind of kick out of it. Even Cassandra has a funny little light in her eyes when they talk about it, though she doesn't tend to say much. She's from a family of dragon hunters, so Josephine assumes it is her finding a kind of amusement that she has ended up following in their footsteps after all.

And through it all, dragons aside, Josephine is envious of how Cassandra gets to be with Raen so much, day to day.

Sometimes they cannot have what they want, though, and Josephine would never actually want to be in Cassandra's place. It is mere wistful fantasy and nothing more.

Perhaps it doesn't come as a surprise to hear that the Inquisitor was injured in a fight with a dragon in the Western Approach. She had been helping out an Orlesian draconologist, of all things.

Josephine meets them at the gates, a little worried, but Raen is on her feet and smiling as she walks in and sees Josephine. She's limping a little, and holding her shoulder where Josephine can see some bandages, but it doesn't seem to be too bad an injury.

"Worried for me?" Raen asks as they embrace tightly. "They exaggerate in the reports, I promise. Don't worry about me."

"Worrying about you is my job, Inquisitor," Josephine replies.

"I thought your job entails running your family's estate, being our ambassador, taking care of guests, and making sure everyone thinks we're wonderful, with a minimum of a dozen meetings a day," Raen says with a laugh. "How could you possibly have time to worry about me as well?"

"I manage," Josephine says dryly. "Now-"

"Inquisitor!"

Solas has arrived. He strides up to them, concern on his face as he looks at Raen.

"Yes?" Raen asks, arching an eyebrow at him, seemingly to hide her bewilderment.

"They said you were injured," he says, eyes flicking to her bandages and then searching her face.

"I was," Raen replied, voice rather flat. "I'll get over it."

"I see. Of course. I apologise for my interruption. I am glad that you're alright." He nods at her, with the same cordial politeness he might any other, and moves to depart, and pain flashes across Raen's face.

"Solas-"

He doesn't turn around and Raen swallows whatever she had been about to say, jaw tense.

"Nevermind," she mutters instead.

Josephine sees a need to distract her, and so clasps both of her hands in her own.

"Come, you must tell me everything, you know your dragon stories have been some of my favourites," she says with an eager smile, and Raen's face softens as she smiles at her.

"Of course. I've been looking forward to it."

* * *

 ***quiet sobbing* I just love Josephine Montilyet so much.**

 **Thanks for reading, please let me know what you thought!**


	3. The Wrong Step

**Note: Raen's behaviour, as called out by several characters in this chapter, is not supposed to be healthy or romantic, and she realises this quickly. I love the Solavellan romance but it has its issues and this is my take.**

 **Contains a lot of Solavellan but has some big Cassandra/Lavellan hints towards the end. Enjoy!**

* * *

The incident with the Abyssal High Dragon of the Western Approach is only the beginning.

It's not that she goes looking for trouble after that, because she'd already been looking for dragons, for practice for if they have to deal with Corypheus' one. But with Solas' reaction, she finds any vague worry she'd had about the potential consequences of seeking out dangerous creatures to disappear.

"Another one? Really?" Dorian asks when she tells her friends she wants to seek out the dragon spotted in the Exalted Plains.

"Fuck yes!" Bull exclaims, clapping Raen on her uninjured shoulder so hard that her knees almost buckle. "You're the best, boss."

"Let's just get this over with," Cassandra says with a roll of her eyes, but there's a tiny curl to the corner of her mouth.

Sera is checking over her arrows nearby. "Big talk, everyone. Can we go now?"

So they head to the Exalted Plains, and find the dragon. Although they had heard in advance that this dragon appeared to be the kind that breathed lightning as opposed to fire, Raen had not banked on how utterly frustrating it would be to not be able to wield lightning magic - her favourite - to best effect.

She is grateful for learning more about the rift magic now, and pulls magic from the Fade to recreate her fist and slam it into the dragon, over and over.

She gets so caught up in the adrenaline of it all, just slamming over and over, that she pays little mind to where she's ended up when a swipe from the dragon's tail has her jumping to the side to avoid it. It's just a bit of water, after all, what does it matter?

It doesn't matter. Not until the dragon breathes lightning right at her and she finds herself thinking: _I can take a bit of lightning. I wield lightning. It'll hurt like a bitch, but maybe then Solas will come running again. Maybe he'll actually touch me, just for a moment or two._

She might have been right, if it hadn't been for the water she had already forgotten about. The water which amplifies the current and has her screaming with pain as her muscles contract and it feels like she's burning from the inside out.

Everything goes dark.

* * *

When she wakes up, everything hurts. Her body aches and stings and she gasps from it.

"Inquisitor," Cassandra says with powerful relief. She seems to be holding Raen in her lap in the back of wagon, and is staring down at her with worry.

"Told you she'd be fine," Bull remarks from nearby, his huge body barely fitting inside the wagon, his head lowered so his horns don't scrape the top.

Raen's head swims. "What-"

"You froze up when it breathed lightning at you, that's what," Sera says, voice shaking. "How stupid are you, anyway? You were standing in water. Why were you standing in water when it was shooting lightning everywhere?"

There was a reason. She's sure there was a reason. She can't remember it now. It hurts to even try and think, it hurts so much that she can feel tears in her eyes.

"Don't try and move," Cassandra tells her, voice stiff. "We're getting you back to Skyhold as fast as we can. The camps on the Plains gave us some healing potions to keep you going while we're on route, but you need a proper healer."

"Right," Raen murmurs. "I'm sorry. Did we kill the dragon?"

"We did," Bull says, with a smile.

"No thanks to your little stunt," Dorian tells her, and his voice wavers a bit, and Raen thinks she might have upset him. All of them, possibly. "You're normally so careful-"

Raen wants to say sorry again, but it's hard to make her mouth work right, and she feels darkness tugging at her.

The last thing she sees is Cassandra's face and the frown adorning it.

* * *

When she next wakes, she's in her bed at Skyhold, and Solas is there.

In the background, keeping their distance but watching out of worry, her friends form a bit of a perimeter, seeming to be keeping vigil and reacting strongly when they see her wake. Vivienne is at the foot of the bed as well, looking immensely frustrated for some reason, but similarly glad to see her come to.

All of it seems to matter little, when Solas is sitting on the edge of the bed and has his hands on her torso, his magic pulsing through her in a way that makes it hard for her to breathe. Unless that's just her injuries - that's always possible too.

"Solas," she says softly.

He looks at her, and for a moment there is a soft look that reminds her of all the times when he had said such sweet things to her. Then it is gone, replaced by something hard and angry, and her heart aches.

Her body feels mostly alright now. A little sore, but healed.

"It seems you know your magic after all," Vivienne says to Solas, rather loftily. Raen gives her an inquiring look, making the older woman sigh. "Your _friend_ here refused to let me assist in healing you. Apparently his knowledge of the fade magic within your body made him the prime candidate for doing so. He may even have been right."

"She's awake and healed, isn't she?" Solas asks, arching an eyebrow at her.

"She is, and as such, I know when to admit defeat." Vivienne sighs, and offers Raen a small smile. "I am glad that you are alright, Inquisitor, and now I will take my leave. I have many things to attend to where I _am_ needed."

"Thank you, Vivienne," Raen says to her.

She looks to the others, who are mainly wearing expressions of relief, except for Cassandra, who has that same serious, unreadable expression she had been wearing in the wagon. Raen may need to talk to her soon, if there is a problem there.

But first, Solas.

Raen looks at him, meets his eyes, and hopes that her plea is understood. He sighs.

"May we have the room?" he asks.

There are a few looks of disappointment, but thankfully nobody argues, and Raen expresses her gratitude to them all as they file out, leaving her alone with Solas, who gets up and starts pacing.

" _This_ is exactly why you should still be taking me with you into the field!" he tells her. "If you insist on going after every dragon in Thedas, at least take me with you!"

"Well, I'm sorry that I don't wish to subject my friends to the awkwardness of our new relationship status."

"It doesn't need to be awkward. We are surely more than capable of acting like adults with many things needing to be done."

"Perhaps. But I'd prefer to just take my friends, and worry less about how I have to act or feel," Raen replies. "Putting on a huge charade is not my way, Solas, you must know that."

"You cannot expect me to sit by while you throw yourself into danger again and again!" Solas tells her. "First the Well of Sorrows, and now this!"

Raen swings her legs and gets out of bed. Her body is a bit stiff, but otherwise alright. He really has done an incredible job, apparently, which comes as no real surprise, since he has a command over magic like she's never seen, even if he does a good job at being subtle about it most of the time.

"Let's not argue about that again," she says. "I am the Inquisitor, and I will take whatever damn action I see fit. You don't get to tell me what to do, especially not now."

"You've always valued my opinion and direction, why should that change?" Solas asks, frowning at her.

She laughs rather incredulously. "I don't know, perhaps when it became evident that your opinion thought leaving me heartbroken in a glade miles from Skyhold seemed like a good idea?"

He winces. "It was an error of judgement."

"No shit!" Raen cries.

"Can we not make this about what happened between us? I'm trying to express concern for your safety-"

It's strange, how she could go from wanting his attention and touch so badly to now being so irritated by his entire presence that she almost can't believe it.

"I don't need you to express concern for my safety, I have more than enough friends who can do the same," she snaps.

"That's not - it's not the same-"

"Why not?" Raen asks, arching an eyebrow. "Are you trying to say you are _more_ concerned than any of the others? That you care more than my friends? Because I dare you to say that in front of-"

"No! If you would just listen to me-"

"Make me," Raen tells him, stepping closer, staring him down. "Make me listen. Make me understand your _concern_."

He stares down at her, eyes conflicted and dark as she gets in his personal space, and she can see the tumultuous emotions raging in him.

Next thing she knows, he's spun her around and pressed her against her desk, kissing her. His mouth is hard and unyielding against hers and it's _so good_. Even a few weeks without this has been torture for her.

"Why are you so impossible?" he asks, and his anger shouldn't make her shiver in the best way but it does.

"You like me because I'm impossible," she tells him, and his grip on her tightens while his other hand pushes things off the desk, which makes her heart race with anticipation. They've had sex on this desk once or twice before, and she's excited at the prospect of doing so again.

"This changes nothing about what I said-"

"I don't care, just don't stop," she says, and so he kisses her, hand sliding down her back through the thin material of her shirt. "I need your hands on me."

"They've missed touching you, _vhenan_ ," he murmurs as one of the hands in question takes a handful of her arse as he has always been so fond of doing. Raen feels almost delirious with how good it feels to be in his embrace again, though it could possibly be a side effect of coming down from a serious injury.

"I only let it get me because I wanted to see you care," she exhales, "and to feel you touch me if you were to heal me."

He goes still, and pulls back to regard her with a look of bewildered horror. "What?"

She winces. "Forget I said that."

"Please tell me you aren't that _utterly_ stupid, _vhenan_ ," he says, voice trembling with the force of whatever emotion is rising in him.

"Only for a moment," she says softly, torn between regret and an odd triumph because it had gotten her exactly where she wanted, for all it had gone wrong. "And I had forgotten I was standing in water. It wasn't - it was only _partly_ intentional, I didn't mean-"

"You didn't _think_ , you mean," he says, the anger coming back. He looks like he wants to be sick. "Am I supposed to appreciate that you would put yourself in danger out of some completely ill advised hope for my attention?"

"No, of course not," she says, wincing. "I just-"

"You just _what_?!"

"I just needed you!" she cries. "I need you and I couldn't have you and I needed to do _something_ but I got it wrong and I paid for it!"

He stares at her with disbelief and heartbreak and fury. "You can't do that, _vhenan_. This can't ever happen again."

"Can't it?" she asks, with a little ironic laugh. "I got exactly what I wanted."

His face twists. "Well, that's easily fixed. I suppose I'll have to give you too much of what you wanted, then, so you don't try this again."

"What do you-"

She doesn't have time to finish her sentence before he's spun her around and bent her over the desk, hands yanking down her breeches and fingers sliding inside her.

She gasps at the sudden sensation. It's what she's been missing for so long, what she's been craving.

"Yes," she moans. "More, Solas, please."

"Quiet," he growls.

It isn't long before his own breeches are down and his fingers are gone, replaced. He takes her hard, and it's so damn good that she has no hesitation in moaning her appreciation. His hands are clutching at her hips with such a force that she is sure she'll have bruises, and she doesn't care.

He bends over her and nips at her neck, murmuring ancient elven to her. It always makes her shudder, even when she has no idea what he's saying.

His hand eventually goes between their bodies to touch her where she is most sensitive, and soon she is crying out as the pleasure takes her. He still doesn't stop, and she isn't sure she wants him to anyway.

It feels so good, even with the way that parts of her body are uncomfortably pressed into the desk over and over, that she never wants it to end.

"Is this what you wanted?" he asks.

"Yes," she gasps.

He doesn't seem to like that, and although she could have sworn it shouldn't be possible for him to fuck her any harder, he does. He has a strength in his grip she can't quite fathom, strength that doesn't even quite make sense.

It starts to hurt, but not so much that it overpowers the pleasure. With where her heart is at, it welcomes the complication.

She feels a sob wrench from her body, because it's too much sensation, but she doesn't want it to stop. She'd gladly take all of it and more, forever, if it means having him.

Finally she feels him spill inside her with a groan, and she lets out a tiny sigh that is half relief and half dismay. She doesn't want it to be over.

She can hear him moving behind her, tidying himself up. She releases her hold on the edge of the desk in front of her, surprised to find the joints in her hands sore from how forcefully she had apparently been doing so.

"Are you alright, _vhenan_?" he asks, hesitantly.

"Fine," she says, and shifts so that her toes can touch the ground and she can push herself off the desk and stand.

Her legs almost give out and she has to clutch the desk to stop herself hitting the floor. Her body _aches_ , more and more with every second, like the pleasure had kept her from feeling everything else.

"Ow," she murmurs, a bit shocked, but with a curl of dark satisfaction to her lips.

He stares at her, face as unfathomable as ever. He makes no move to help her.

"This will not happen again," he says firmly. "You _will_ take care of yourself, _vhenan_. Rush into danger if you must, but nothing like what happened here."

She nods. He's right, of course, he so often is. She knows, deep down, that what she had done had been stupidly reckless, and that she just needs to wait. She's the Inquisitor, for fuck's sake, she can be patient enough to wait until Corypheus is dead to get what she wants and needs from him.

"Goodbye... Inquisitor," he says, before leaving.

Raen is left clinging to a desk as her legs shake and a powerful ache fills her body where he had so roughly taken her. She's not sure it stings as much as his use of her formal title after all that, though.

"What the fuck am I doing?" she asks herself.

* * *

There is barely time for her to clean herself up before there is a knock at her door.

"Who is it?" she calls, still pulling on a fresh shirt.

"Cassandra, my lady."

Cassandra, who had been eyeing her with such a complicated, unhappy expression earlier. Cassandra who she apparently needs to talk to.

"Come in."

Raen sits on the edge of her bed as Cassandra enters and comes up the stairs and then does a double take.

"You are up and about."

"Practically the moment you left," Raen says, with a little smile. "Solas knows what he's doing. He would never do a sub par job."

"Of course," Cassandra says slowly, brow furrowing. "You talked with him a long time."

Raen means to say something in agreement, something nonchalant and smooth that would never arouse suspicion, but she can't help but flash back to the feeling of him, to intensity of the pleasure. She bites her lip, her cheeks warm.

Cassandra's frown deepens, and her gaze moves to the desk, most of its contents on the floor and - Raen's breeches still on the floor by the desk where she had left them before seeking out new ones.

The sheer disbelief on her face would be comical in any other situation.

"Inquisitor-"

Annoyance rises in Raen's chest for no particular reason, and she feels the need to get defensive, just a little. "Is this where you scold me? Tell me I'm sinful and should repent?"

"You said you were 'paused'," Cassandra says, sharply.

"We are. This was a… debate."

Cassandra stares at her, and her eyes go to Raen's neck, where she knows a few bruises are starting to form from where Solas' mouth had marked her. Cassandra's skin darkens a shade.

"Ordinarily I would say this is none of my business-"

"Seems to me that it _isn't_ any of your business," Raen agrees.

Cassandra glares. "However, given that I watched you allow yourself to be electrocuted by a dragon today, and that I believe I am the only person who truly understands why you did such a thing, I am _making it_ my business. I saw how you were after the Western Approach, how you seemed hurt by his not paying much attention to you after he knew you were alright. Can you truly tell me that this was not an attempt to get him to-"

She looks at the desk again and flushes.

"I just wanted him to talk to me properly, like he cared," Raen says softly. "Maybe feel his hands on me. I'd forgotten I was in water and what that would mean. It was stupid of me."

"It was blatantly moronic, and for what?" Cassandra snaps. "For some _man_ who abandoned you after breaking your heart? Who you say you are _paused_ with but allow to-"

She cuts off, looking at the desk and then back at Raen.

"I will not pretend to understand," she says, swallowing. "I am relatively inexperienced in affairs of the heart, and this is not the kind of thing that is found in the fanciful, ridiculous books I read."

"I know," Raen whispers.

"I understand that you love him," Cassandra continues, walking forward, "but what I will never understand is how you could put yourself in danger, put _everything we have ever worked for in danger_ for him. Not even to help him, or save him, but simply because he-"

"I'm sorry," Raen tells her, feeling a bit ill as the real ramifications of what she could have lost today hit her. She stands up, to make a point, perhaps, or to get closer to Cassandra, but she wavers.

"Inquisitor, are you-"

"I'm fine, I'll just be walking crooked for a few days, I imagine," she mutters.

She thinks about it, about what she risked today, about what had just happened in this room and how much she had loved it, and finds her heart seized by fear and shame. How could she let this happen? How could she let anyone reduce her to this? This is pathetic.

Tears well up in her eyes, quite without her permission.

Cassandra meanwhile blinks, processes, and looks to her with concern. "Raen," she says, stepping closer, as serious as using her actual name implies, "are you alright? Did he… hurt you?"

Raen shakes her head adamantly. "He did nothing I didn't want desperately," she says, voice only a whisper. "And I think that might be the most terrifying part."

To say that Cassandra looks like she's out of her depth would be an understatement. She looks at Raen, seeming so lost that Raen's guilt only grows along with her shame. This is not something she wishes anyone to know. It's bad enough that she and Solas know it happened, let alone Cassandra of all people. (There are a few people where it could be even worse, like Josephine, or Cullen, or Mother Giselle, but not many.)

"I'm sorry," Raen whispers. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"That is an apology for letting that dragon fry you, I hope," Cassandra says, sitting down on the bed next to her. "I do not feel qualified to accept an apology for anything else."

"It was for the dragon thing, don't worry."

"Good."

"Did you carry me out of there like the dashing hero in one of Varric's stories?" Raen asks, giving Cassandra a small smile. "Or did Bull just sling me over his shoulder like a ragdoll?"

Cassandra lets out the smallest of chuckles and shakes her head. "I carried you. But I doubt there was anything dashing about it."

"I'll be sure to ask Dorian his opinion."

"Oh, _wonderful_."

"What, you don't think you could be dashing?"

"Stop," Cassandra says, rolling her eyes even while her lips twitch with amusement. "You are impossible."

They fall into silence, the kind they have shared before while out in the field. Normally they are moments that Raen treasures, something about just being with Cassandra feeling so natural. This time feels different - recent events and their earlier conversation hanging over their heads.

"Is there anything I can do?" Cassandra asks quietly.

"I'd say _keep me grounded_ but you already do that," Raen says, with a little shrug.

"I do?"

Raen gives her a funny look. "Of course you do. You're… half the reason I've kept my sanity and not developed some kind of ridiculous ego through all of this. You tell me when I'm wrong, or when you can see my point of view but don't agree with me, and you explain your side when we don't agree, and respect my decision regardless. You mostly manage to keep me sensible when we're out facing danger from day to day, too. I wouldn't be here without you, Cassandra. I wouldn't want to be, either."

"I-" Cassandra looks completely lost for words, her eyes wide. "I had never… considered it like that."

Raen reaches for her hand and gives it a little squeeze, making the other woman start at the touch. "You're one of my best friends, Cassandra. I know it can be common for people to say _I don't know what I would do without you_ , but I really mean it. I would be… lost."

Cassandra hesitates, and then gives her hand a tiny squeeze back before pulling away. "I do not know what to say. I am… glad I am so useful to you, I suppose."

"You're making yourself sound like a handy inanimate object," Raen laughs.

"Well, I am inexperienced with profound confessions of sentiment, and know little of how I am supposed to react," Cassandra snaps.

"Your books don't give you any hints?"

"Those are completely different and you know it!"

Raen finds herself just laughing, and Cassandra looks away, her cheeks burning, but there's still the barest hint of a smile on her lips. There's something so satisfying about making Cassandra smile, whether it's one of these little ones, against her more serious will, or one of the extremely rare full ones.

"Are you truly alright? For the moment?" Cassandra asks eventually.

Raen considers the question, and gives a little shrug. "I'm not sure, but I think I need time to think everything over."

"If you do need to… talk. About Solas. I will do my best to listen, though I would understand if someone else would be your first choice. Dorian, perhaps." Cassandra has her hands twisting in front of her, unsure.

"I'll think about it," Raen says. "Right now, I'm not quite sure what I need. But thank you."

"Then I will leave you to your thoughts, and your rest," Cassandra tells her, with a nod. "Until later, Inquisitor."

"Thank you, Cassandra, for everything."

With that, Cassandra leaves, and Raen is left with an ache in her chest, and an odd feeling of confusion. She hadn't even realised until she had been saying the words, but for all her embarrassing desperation around Solas, she would be truly lost if anything happened to her relationship with Cassandra. What would she do without Cassandra at her side through everything? Or without Josephine to talk to, when she is struggling with a difficult decision? Or when she needs Dorian and Bull and Sera and Varric to make her laugh?

Had she really so terribly lost sight of how important her friends are to her?

Raen climbs back into bed, hugs her pillow and tries to ignore the ever growing aches in her lower body.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, please let me know what you thought!**


	4. The End of Corypheus

'Morrigan was panicking about her son and jumped into the mysterious elven teleport mirror and the Inquisitor naturally jumped right in after her, consequences be damned _'_ is not what Cassandra likes to hear when she first enters the war room in the morning.

Alright, maybe that isn't exactly how Leliana had said it, but that's how Cassandra had heard it.

"I'm sure she will be fine," Josephine says to Cassandra, who stares at the war table without really seeing it, apparently for too long to go unnoticed. "She always is."

"I am aware," Cassandra says.

For all her talk, Josephine seems a bit more on edge than usual, a bit less focused. Cullen looks between them, lips tightening like he wants to say something, perhaps something comforting.

"Lavellan can handle herself," is all he says. "We have work to do."

Cassandra appreciates his trying.

Leliana is even quieter than usual, as well, though Cassandra gets the impression it is due to Morrigan's apparently unusual emotional state before she had jumped into the mirror, more than anything else. They travelled together during the Fifth Blight, which is such an odd thought in itself given their differences, but from her brief experience of Morrigan, it is possible to see how a break from her aloof, sarcastic demeanour might be troubling.

They wait all of an hour, before the Inquisitor comes striding into the war room.

"Everything's alright," she says, "we're back, and we have Kieran. We're all safe."

"What happened, exactly?" Cassandra asks.

"I'm not sure it's for me to say," Raen admits. "But I… I met Mythal."

There is a brief silence as Leliana, Cassandra, Josephine and Cullen look around at each other, with similar looks of bemusement and incredulity.

"Come again?" Leliana eventually says.

"Mythal, I met her, in the Fade," Raen says, in the way that only she can say such outlandish things and make them sound like almost normal, if still clearly important, things to drop into a conversation.

"You met an ancient elven goddess in the Fade?" Cassandra asks.

Raen makes a face. "It's a little more complicated than that. But, essentially… yes."

"What did she say?" Josephine asks.

"I'd… prefer to keep it to myself, at the moment," Raen says, slowly. "It's nothing for any of you to worry about. She actually gave me some advice, a place I could seek help with Corypheus. I'll explain later."

"Very well, if you are sure," Leliana says.

Cullen looks thoughtful, but also like he has no idea what to offer the conversation. It's fair enough - ancient elven gods are more than a bit out of his usual territory of expertise. "Anything to help against Corypheus is welcome."

"Good, then let's get back to work."

* * *

It turns out that Mythal's idea of help is a dragon. Luckily, they've a fair bit of experience with dragons by now, so subduing it is a worthy task but not something that nearly kills any of them.

Cassandra had been so sure that the Inquisitor had been out of ways to awe her, and yet, here they are, watching as Raen reaches out to the magnificent creature, parts of her skin glowing with the power of the Well of Sorrows, with the power of Mythal.

There simply aren't words for something like that. There are times that the Inquisitor just takes Cassandra's breath away.

If asked what makes her so special, Cassandra knows she would struggle to articulate it beyond what she had told Lavellan herself, that she makes decisions that shake the world with a conviction that Cassandra continues to be astounded and impressed by. That might be a part of it, but there is so much more to it than that, so much more to her.

She isn't just the Inquisitor, she is Lavellan, a once Dalish elf with a complicated relationship with her people. She isn't just the Inquisitor, she is Raen, Cassandra's friend who teases her about liking romance novels and goes out of her way to both embarrass her in front of Varric but also procure her the much desired next installment. Raen who is so compassionate, so quick to help but so hesitant to forgive, who has a temper to rival Cassandra's own and is just as hit and miss at keeping it in check.

"I get it, she's pretty and does crazy shit like this, but you don't need to stare at her like she's the reincarnation of Andraste or some shit," Sera says to Cassandra, snorting. "Herald is bonkers enough."

"What?" Cassandra asks her, blinking as she is torn from her thoughts.

"You were staring at her like-" Sera makes a face, and a giggle escapes her. "I don't even know what like. Something weird."

"She just subdued a dragon, am I supposed to not be impressed?"

"No, I know, but it's just, if I didn't know any better, I'd-" Sera trails off and stares at her, scrutinising.

"You'd what?" Cassandra growls, with no idea of where the girl is going with this, but absolute certainty that she isn't going to like it.

Sera purses her lips. "Nothing. I like my head how it is, thanks."

Thankfully, that's when Cassandra is saved from the conversation by the dragon taking off into the air, claiming the sky once again as it circles the grove and then flies away, Lavellan staring after it.

"If I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't have believed it," Dorian breathes, awed.

"Why did it fly away?" Cassandra asks Raen. "Will it come back?"

Raen is still looking at the sky, at the dragon getting smaller and smaller in the distance. "It will come when I summon it. Once. That's enough to fight Corypheus, however. I have my dragon."

"That works," Sera says, grinning almost giddily. "Old Coryphenus won't know what hit him."

Raen slowly turns around, and smiles back at her. "It's certainly something."

They make their way out of the grove, and Sera races ahead with the energy she always has after a fight, and Dorian keeps the middle ground as the man who can never be made to go at any pace he does not wish to. (Unless Bull is around to nudge him, of course, but Bull had been needed for something to do with the Chargers, and unable to come with them.)

It leaves Cassandra and Raen at the back, trailing behind.

"You never cease to astound me," Cassandra says to her friend.

Raen looks at her with surprise. "What do you mean?"

"You just approached a dragon and looked it dead in the eye, and made it submit to you, however briefly," Cassandra says. "Do you have any idea what it is like to witness such a sight? It is the kind of extraordinary scene that is commemorated in _paintings_."

"I don't think the dragon will pose for a painting, no matter how nicely I ask," Raen remarks, only to get punched in the arm by a reluctantly amused Cassandra.

"You are the most ridiculous person I have ever met," she says, "why is it, again, that I consider you my friend?"

"I think it's mainly that your other choices are Varric and Dorian," Raen says with a shit eating grin.

Cassandra smirks. "Ah yes. That would be it. My selection is limited, it's true. Thank the Maker for Josephine, who raises the standards of company for us all."

"She rather raises the standards for anything, don't you think?"

"Indeed she does," Cassandra says with a small smile. "For most things, anyway. She is so averse to violence that I do worry about what may happen if anything went… wrong, somehow."

"She was a bard, she must know _something_ about fighting," Raen points out.

"I believe she is as handy with a rapier as any self respecting noble, but other than that? It is hard to say."

"Well, we won't need to find out if I have anything to say about it," Raen says, with a surprising determination. "I won't let anyone hurt her."

"A noble sentiment. She should, however, be safe enough, and far from the coming battle."

"She'd better be." Something lighter flashes across Raen's face, a moment before a softer smile does. "I can tell her about this when we get back to Skyhold. She'll love it."

"She'll scarcely believe it."

"That's half the fun! Her face of utter disbelief is my _favourite_."

They fondly discuss the many expressions of Josephine Montilyet for most of the journey back to Skyhold.

* * *

Upon returning to Skyhold, however, it is jarring how rapidly everything happens after that. They're barely in the front door, barely been in the war room a minute when the sky itself is wrenched open in the distance.

Raen strides out of the war room, determination powering her every step.

Everyone is gathered, supplies and armour and weapons and potions, distributed as needed. They're ready to move with an admirable speed, and it's a good thing they're a specialised lot, since there is no army behind them this time.

"Please be careful, Inquisitor," Josephine asks Raen, clasping her arm. "I could not bear it if-" She swallows. "Come back safe, my lady."

 _Raen_ , she wants to say, but it doesn't feel the time to be correcting her. If she comes back safe, there will be many more a time for that, after all.

"I'll do my best," Raen tells her, because she won't make a promise she can't keep, but damned if she is going to let this bastard take her down.

They head out, and it's a somber march to where the Temple of Sacred Ashes had once been. Where normally a walk towards adventure would involve absurd banter between the incredibly odd assortment of people that is her inner circle, the weight of what is about to happen and what is at stake hangs over them all. There is only the sound of footsteps in the gravel and quiet gestures of affection between friends as they walk.

"Solas," Raen says as they arrive at the base of the mountain, pulling him aside. "I - look, I don't really know what to say, except that-"

"I know," he says, voice calm and patient while his eyes show soft adoration and a kind of guilt that Raen isn't sure she fully understands.

He presses her against a nearby boulder, just for a moment, to steal a fleeting, desperate kiss.

"No matter what happens now, _vhenan_ , this between us was always real, and I will always treasure it," he tells her.

"We're going to be alright, I'm not letting Corypheus hurt me or anyone I care about, ever."

"Good," he replies, but she feels like he wants to say something else. He doesn't, and when they hurry to rejoin the group, he falls back to allow the others to flank her, as she has preferred since their break up.

Raen looks to her right and sees Cassandra, as she always does, and it again hits her what a comfort Cassandra is, how she is _always_ where Raen needs her.

"I'm with you," Cassandra says, eyes even.

Raen takes a breath and nods. "I know."

She looks around at all of the others, all of her friends, the ones she would wrestle a dragon for or go to the ass end of the world to help. They nod at her, words not seeming needed after everything that has brought them here.

There will be time to talk later. She will make sure of it.

 _What if you can't what if someone falls what if you fall what if Solas falls what if_ Cassandra _falls_ -

She pushes away her fear and insecurity and clasps Cassandra's forearm in hers. Cassandra's grip is tight, a little too much so, perhaps betraying her worry.

"I have watched you beat every set of odds that should have held you back," Cassandra says. "I have no doubt that today will be no exception."

Raen nods. "Let's end this bastard."

They arrive just in time to see Corypheus slaughtering the last of their scouts. Raen has seen many of their fighters die, read reports about the losses of countless more, and it has always hurt. But something about this time fills Raen with a powerful rage.

 _No more_.

Everything blurs after that. It's Corypheus and his magic and the two dragons battling above them - she will always owe Mythal for this, which is not a happy thought, but it's a worthy price - and the entire world feeling like it is about to break apart.

Their dragon goes down, but it had done enough that they are able to finish off the one serving Corypheus.

They climb. Higher and higher, to where he is trying to break open the world.

He's crumbling, Raen can feel it, but that's when she sees Cassandra go down with a blast of energy, and for a second she is stuck staring.

" _Cass_!" she screams, before her attention is forced back to Corypheus.

Raen's fury rises in her like a storm, physically sparking from her in excess lightning magic. She might have needed help to get this far, but in this moment, she is beyond capable of dealing with Corpheus on her own.

He doesn't stand a chance against her. All this time she's been terrified of him, he should have been terrified of _her_. Any sensible person would be, after seeing all that she has managed to do, but the arrogance of this being, this thing that had once been a man but retained only the narcissism of his former life, surpasses even perhaps his power.

She throws him into the broken sky and seals it once and for all.


End file.
